Today is the first day of holidays. I feel my annual celebratory self, absolutely.
And I also feel the feeling that has tagged onto my jacket steadily for the last three and a half years, as well. This is the frustrating wait feeling. It is the hopeful feeling. It is the reminder of the mystery of life feeling. It is the it will work out in the end feeling. It is the I'm grateful for what I have feeling. It is the rerun questioning of why it has to be so hard feeling.
And I know that all of my adoptive friends out there will resonate with this. Using your blog to attempt to bear witness to the challenges of dreaming big and letting go all at the same time. Because those two flip sides of this coin are rolling in the air, without ground.
And there are so many sweet reminders around the holidays: of family, traditions, friends, crackling fires, staying warm indoors...these sweet Western snapshots that deliver us home each Christmas. But all of those sweet reminders also make the adoption wait an even bigger challenge...let the letting go, even that much harder.
So for all of those adoptive mamas and papas out there this Christmas, I get it, we get it here in our home as well. And for our friends and family who support us with so much sensitivity and generosity, we thank you for standing by our sides.
and we'll carry on and wait until the next formal referral meeting in Lesotho:
February 15 on our calendar for 2013.
"dreaming big and letting go all at the same time". Yep, that right there. It fleeting moments of zen I would catch the tail of that and then a little tug and I would lose it again.
ReplyDeleteLove you guys so much. It will happen. I know it in the deep down of my heart.